Family Discipleship Minute (1)

 Last week I committed to begin posting ideas for Christian parents. My hope is to help you be the primary spiritual trainers of your family. I do not presume to teach you. Rather, I hope to encourage you, assist you, point you towards helpful resources, and provide a place where others in the same boat can ask questions of one another. Today I want to be an encouragement by trying to help you see past some obstacles. 

Perhaps the three biggest things that people see as barriers to leading their families spiritually are lack of knowledge, lack of skill, and lack of time. In other words, parents feel that they do not know enough about the Bible or basic Christian doctrine to teach their children about theological matters, they do not believe they know how to lead their kids spiritually, and they do not believe they have the time in their busy schedules to make this happen in the home. I do not discount these beliefs and feelings. However, I believe you can overcome them, so let me give you a few practical counterpoints.

First, let's talk about the notion that you, as a parent, do not know enough about Scripture, theology, or God to train your children. For the sake of argument, let us assume a worst-case scenario in which the parents are brand-new Christians and truly know almost nothing about God or the Bible. To those parents, and all others, I would say, "start where you are." Nobody knows everything but everybody knows something. Even if you are a brand-new Christian, you know at least what it takes to share the gospel because someone shared it with you. You know what sin is because you recognized it in your own life. You know that Jesus is Savior and Son of God because you trusted him for salvation. If that is all you know, then that is where you start with your kids.

Teachers have an old saying, "give me a book and a week's head start and I can teach anyone anything." Parents, start where you are, grab The Book, and learn something from it. Next week, you will be able to teach your children what you learned. 

Second, let's talk about the skill factor. You may have trepidation because you do not think you know how to impart spiritual truth to your family. Pause and think just a minute. How much did you know about how to be a parent when your first child was born? Probably not much. Yet, how much have you taught your children since then. Did you teach your kids to bathe themselves, get dressed, bush their teeth, tie their shoes, use proper manners, ride a bike, get along with their siblings, ask for help, throw a ball, bake cookies, or anything else? You may have failed on your first attempts at these things, but you eventually succeeded (or you are still trying). Consider it on the job training. Well, on the job training is perfectly acceptable when figuring out the practical ways to pass faith on to your kids.

You can begin to learn how to lead your family spiritually by actually doing it. Further, you can get help in this department through a multitude of resources. You can find many of these types of resources online. To get you started, may I suggest checking out Visionary Family Ministries, Faith At Home, and D6. Obviously, these are not the only ministries that can help you in this arena. If you do not like these, simply search the web or talk to your pastor and I'm sure you can find one you like.

Third and finally, let's talk about the matter of time. The first counterpoint to the lack of available time is to use what I will call multi-purpose time. Multi-purpose time is time that is already blocked off in your schedule during which you could do more than one thing. For example, do you have a bedtime routine with your kids? If so, talk to them about God while you are getting them ready for bed. Do you  eat at least one meal each week together as a family? Use this mealtime to discuss a Bible verse. Do you wake your kids up in the morning? Sit on the bed and pray with them while you are trying to get them up. Do you drive your kids to school? Instead of listening to the radio or talking on the phone, talk about Sunday's sermon on the way to school on Monday. See what I mean? Use time that is already blocked off to kill two birds with one stone.

Now I have another counterpoint to the time objection, but you may not like it. At the risk of sounding trite, let me suggest to you that we make time for what is important to us. Do you have time to play games on social media? Do you have time to work? Do you have time to see friends? Do you have time to exercise? Do you have time for little league? Do you have time for date night? Do you have time for the evening news? Do you have time to read the paper? Do you have time for PTA meetings, cub scouts, and dance classes? If you have time for things like that, but you do not have time for family discipleship, then you probably need to rethink your priorities.

That last sentence may have sounded harsh. The truth is, I want you to learn from my mistakes. When my kids came along, I had many ideas for teaching them to love Jesus, but life got busy, and I did not manage to practice everything I thought I would. Now, frankly, I regret it. Put boundaries in your life and make family discipleship a priority. I firmly believe that when your kids head off to college you will be very glad you made the time for spiritual things.

In summary, if you think you do not know enough to lead your family spiritually, then start where you are (but keep learning.) If you think you do not know how to lead your family spiritually, then simply start trying and learn as you go. If you think you do not have time for family discipleship, then use the time you do have and consider reprioritizing other times. Leading your family in spiritual matters may seem daunting. However, you can do it; just get started, and you and your kids will grow together.

Thanks for reading this, I hope you found it challenging but encouraging.

Starting Over With Aids for Christian Parents

 One year ago today, I lost my platform for instructing Christian teens and parents. I say "lost;" some would say I gave it up and others would say it was taken from me. Which of those scenarios bears the most resemblance to reality is immaterial. What matters is that it was gone, and I was left to wonder if I was delusional. Had God really given me a message for the church and today's Christian parents? I have spent much time over the past year seeking God with regard to this question, and I believe that He truly has given me some timely insights for His people.

Believing that God has given me a message, I am obligated to share it. Therefore, my current endeavor is to use this blog as a new platform for encouragement, instruction, and training to Christian parents (and grandparents.) Of course, many others are already sharing similar messages through various media, and they do so much more eloquently and effectively than I ever could. Among those I commend to you Timothy Paul Jones, Rob Reinow, Ron Hunter, Will and Meeke Addison, Mark Holmen, and Voddie Baucham Jr. to name a few.

The writings, pod casts, videos, and in person teachings of those listed above and their ministries are outstanding. Then why do I think I should add my voice to the mix? First, I will not so much be adding my voice as echoing what these (and others) have been saying. The message is important and there are still many who have not heard or heeded it. Second, my goal is to try to present you with bite sized portions. Rather than giving you a long article, a podcast, an entire book, or a two-day conference, I hope to simply provide a five to ten minute read that will give you something to chew on, and/or apply, as you go about training your children that week.

Maybe you are wondering what "the message" I keep talking about is? It's very simple. It is your responsibility to be the primary spiritual leader of your children. You should not relinquish this job to your church or anyone else. Unfortunately, most Christian parents have already done this on two levels. One, they have willingly surrendered this job to leaders at their church. Second, they have also, without realizing it, allowed secular teachers and coaches to play a huge role in "discipling" their children. Hopefully, I can convince you of these things, but also can be your personal cheer leader encouraging you and providing practical tips along the way.

I'm excited about this fresh start. Please, check back here once a week to take a peek at the content. I pray it will be helpful to you. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Observations from Church-hopping Part 3

 This makes more sense with the explanation from part 1 which is here.  Part 2 is here. 

Time to wrap up some thoughts on our church visits over the past few months. Some things were good and some were bad; at least in my opinion. What about the ugly? Well, there was nothing theologically ugly which is wonderful. But, as mentioned in earlier posts we're not venturing out to churches that don't have a solid reputation so it is really not a surprise. To be totally honest, there was nothing ugly in any of the services we've participated in, so I'll just put one more "bad" item here in order to have a part 3.

The last bad thing is pretty common. My guess would be you would see it in any church you visited other than the tiniest ones. I suppose if you look at it from a certain perspective it is good and not bad, but to me it is a depressing and negative phenomenon. Here it is. It's sad to see ladies coming to worship while their husbands stay home (or go to the lake or golf course or whatever). Come on guys, step up and get in the game. 

Seriously, if  you're in church leadership may I suggest to you to stop trying so hard to reach children. Reach their fathers and let the fathers reach their own kids. 

The church-hopping will continue this Sunday. If future visits yield new info I'll report it on this blog.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Observations from Church-hopping Part 2

 You can read part 1 of this topic here.  Basically, I'm sharing some thoughts from our experiences over the last four months visiting a different church each week. At this point, we are not looking for one to join. Rather, we are simply trying to relax and enjoy worshiping without any responsibilities. Plus, we just want to learn how different churches operate their services. We have enjoyed our time, but there have been a few negative things.

The Bad

Now before I upset anyone, let me just say that most of what I am about to relate is only "bad" in my opinion. I'm sharing based on my preferences more than biblical precepts or principles. I am very aware that there are plenty of people who absolutely love the things that I dislike. You can take my ideas and consider if others might also feel that these things are bad (in which case you might want to make application). If you don't think they would, then at least maybe you'll be entertained for a minute.

The first thing that I'm identifying as bad in our church visits is how poor churches are at nailing the friendliness factor. Obviously, as Christians we want to be warm and welcoming to anyone who enters our meetings. We want them to feel loved so that they will be attracted to Jesus. One complicating factor is that humans come in a wide variety of personality types and what one might consider as friendly behavior, another might consider as too invasive or too much too soon.

Let me clarify that I am not speaking here about the official time of welcoming guests (although that time can be hard to nail too). I'm just talking about  how friendly people were to us when we were entering the campus, finding our way around, waiting for the service to start, leaving the service, etc. Unfortunately, most churches were underwhelming in this department. In some churches we were completely ignored or spoken to only minimally and with little joy or enthusiasm. On the other end of the spectrum, a church or two was way over the top. You really can be too casual and too personal with people when you are trying to make them feel welcome. Greeters and church members have to remember that people like their personal space and do not want to feel like you are trying to sell them something. Also, it takes time to build relationships. Don't try to act like you are someone's long lost best friend when you've just met them moments ago.

Why is this important? People form an opinion about your organization in the first seven minutes they spend on your campus. If you ignore them or overwhelm them in those seven minutes they are less likely to come back. Fortunately, a couple of the churches we visited did get this right. They made us feel welcomed and seemed genuinely interested in us. But, they did not overwhelm us or try to be too familiar. 

Bad thing number two- -annoying worship leaders. First of all, don't sing the same chorus for 15 minutes. Second, don't do medlies. Just pick some good songs and sing them individually. Let them speak. Third, I really don't care to see you hopping around, jumping to and fro, swaying back and forth, looking like you're constipated, beating your chest, flailing your arms, and so forth. Just stand there and smile and sing the song. If you want to lift a hand every now and then, go ahead. But don't make a big production of it. I didn't come to see a show and hopefully neither did anyone else. Fourth, don't tell me what to do. I don't need you to tell me to "put my hands together" or "raise your hands to Jesus" or whatever else you think I should do. I'm going to sing the song to Jesus and if I feel the need to do something else, that is between Him and me.

Bad thing number three- -bad sound mixing. If your instruments are turned up so loud that I cannot hear anyone singing, that's too loud. If the guitar is so loud that I cannot hear the melody from the keyboard, that's annoying. If the band is so loud that I can feel the base in my chest, that's ridiculous. If you have multiple singers but I can only hear one of them, that's annoying and a waste of time and talent. 

Bad thing number four- -Light shows. I know they are trendy and cool. I know they add ambiance. I know that you feel like you have to compete with the entertainment industry and lots of colored lights whirling around the sanctuary make you feel like you are. The reasons to have them are many. Personally, I don't think any of them are valid. However, if light shows make you happy I can deal with them . . . as long as you keep the spotlights OUT of my eyes!

Bad thing number five- -topical preaching. Okay, I know that sometimes there is a good reason to do this (I actually did it the other day when I was filling in for somebody). But for the most part you should be preaching expositionally and systematically through God's word. Let the text speak for itself and let God speak through the text. He knows what people need.

Bad thing number six- -churches with very few children in the service. Obviously, Covid has changed every church's attendance pattern but it is incredibly frustrating to me to see a worship service with few or no children. Come on moms and dads, let's get with it.

Gotta stop for now. Part 3 coming soon.

A Very Timely Message That You Should Internalize

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i60eQZPG5XM