Family Discipleship Minute 3: What's All This Then?

The last couple of posts aimed to convince you that you really can take responsibility for your children's spiritual development. Hopefully, you have at least become motivated to take a closer look at family discipleship. With that hope in mind, it is time to share some foundational thoughts on this topic.

If you live your life like most folks in middle America these days, you send your kids to school for professional educators to teach them reading, writing, and 'rithmetic, along with physical education, art, music, science, and history. You probably also send them to someone else to teach them to play sports, dance, play the piano, etc. Further, you probably take them to church and expect Sunday school teachers, AWANA leaders, children's ministers, youth ministers, pastors, and so forth to teach your kids about God, impart biblical knowledge to them, and instill biblical values within them. We have really become a culture where parents, in a variety of ways, "farm out" the training of their children to other people.

Families today hand over the education of their children to others for a variety of reasons. Possible explanations for this may include time constraints, a feeling that others can do a better job of teaching a specific subject than we can, a mindset that we are not successful as parents unless our children turn out a certain way, and no telling how many others. However, even if there are good reasons to allow others to educate our children, is that always the best idea? More importantly, is it the biblical idea?

 

As Christians, our desires should not be what is best from a societal perspective, but what is right from a spiritual perspective. For example, society says a person is successful if he makes a lot of money; whereas God says someone is successful if she loves Him and loves her neighbor. Further, just because someone is better at something than we are does not automatically mean we should allow them to do it for us. How can a person ever grow at something if he continuously turns that task over to another? When it comes to children, the Bible puts the responsibility (and privilege) for their spiritual development squarely on the shoulders of parents. This does not mean that parents should not seek and utilize the help of others. However, it does mean that parents must always take the lead role in discipling their children, regardless of whether or not they feel equipped to do so.

This principle, that parents should lead their children spiritually, shows up in direct and indirect ways in the Bible. The story of Adam and Eve serves as an indirect example. Genesis 4:3-4 relate that Cain and Able both brought offerings to the Lord. Why did they do that? The only plausible explanation is that Adam and Eve taught them to worship God.

Direct teaching of this principle shows up in Deuteronomy 6 and Ephesians 6, among other places. Deuteronomy 6 is a chapter of great importance to Jews and should be to Christians as well. The chapter records Moses’s instruction to the Israelites regarding how to dwell in the promised land as God’s covenant people. They needed to love God, to internalize His commands, and to “impress them on your children.” The idea that parents should nurture their children’s relationships with God is a crucial theme in this chapter. Further, the use of masculine pronouns in the Hebrew text indicates that this responsibility falls directly to the fathers. This does not mean that mothers do not do this too or that it is wrong for mothers to shoulder this job when the father neglects it.

This principle is not one simply for the Old Testament. It is for all of God’s covenant people as Ephesians 6 demonstrates. Verse 4 of this chapter is a direct command exhorting fathers to “bring [your children] up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” This does not exclude allowing your children to sit under the authority of biblically qualified elders and teachers. However, it certainly indicates that the parent must do more than merely expose kids to other’s leadership. 

Give Deuteronomy 6 a careful reading. In my opinion, it is really difficult to walk away from this text without realizing how seriously God expects His people to take their relationship with Him and how throroughly devoted parents should be to the spiritual coaching of their offspring. I hope that after reading the chapter you will be excited to begin the process of serving God as a family. But, even if you are not, make it a matter of prayer and remember last week's admonition that you will not be doing this alone.

Some questions to ponder or comment on:

What do you feel comfortable teaching your children rather than sending them to someone else to learn?
What are your immediate goals for your child?
What kind of adult do you want him/her to be?
Are you feeling excitement or fear about family discipleship?