Family Discipleship Minute 8: We're All In This Together

The thesis of this series of blog posts is that parents are responsible for the spiritual training of their children, and they should not turn that privilege over to anyone else. A concomitant task is to develop a theology of family and of church to guide you as you lead your family to worship at home and at your local assembly. The last post shared a few ideas towards developing a theology of family. This post will continue that quest by focusing on a couple of groups who (it feels to me) sometimes get neglected.

I read as much as I can on the subject of family discipleship as well as listening to similar content on the radio and internet. I get the sense that in their zeal to equip families the leaders in this area may sometimes inadvertently neglect single adults and childless couples. I am certain that none of the authors, preachers, and teachers to whom I listen believe that singles and childless couples are second class citizens or in any way unimportant, they just kind of get lost by the wayside sometimes. Therefore, as you construct your own theology of family, please make room for these categories.

I would like to point out a few notions to help you include these groups in your thinking. The first idea is that singles, far from being second class citizens, have the preferred status before God. Why would I say that? In Matthew 19, Jesus explains to the disciples why divorce is so terrible and the importance of married couples staying together for life. In response to this disclosure, the disciples conclude that it is better for people to remain single (Matthew 19:10.) Jesus replies that some people, for the sake of God’s kingdom, choose to remain single. In other words, some people are called to live as singles in order that they will have more time, energy, and resources to devote to God. Jesus closes the teaching by saying, “Let anyone accept this who can.” (Matthew 19:12)

Obviously, most people should marry and have children for the sake of perpetuating humanity. However, Jesus says that anyone who is capable of living celibately for the sake of God’s mission on earth should do so. God is quite pleased with men and women who live exclusively for Him. In fact, singleness (rather temporary or for a lifetime) should be seen by the single and by the rest of the church as a gift from God.

Couples and singles are bonded together as adopted children of God and there are many ways which the two groups can serve alongside each other and minister to one another. To mention just a couple, marrieds can provide encouragement, emotional support, and companionship to singles by offering them hospitality and genuine friendship. Likewise, singles can offer marrieds encouragement, emotional support, and help with parenting chores by offering hospitality and genuine friendship. We’re all in this together church, it’s time we act like it.

Another group that may sometimes get slighted is childless couples. Obviously, the ancient belief that a woman cannot have children because God is punishing her in some way is false. We should never make couples feel that God is judging them because they do not have children. Further, some couples choose not to have kids for personal reasons. We should not look down on them.

At this point, the objection will come, “but God commands us to have children and fill the earth in Genesis 1:28.” Yes, God did do that. In my opinion, that is God’s plan for most people. It is especially important in today’s culture that Christians have many children and raise them to know and love God so that we can carry on God’s mission in the world. This flows directly from Genesis 1:28 as well as Matthew 28:18-20. However, if a particular couple believes that we have essentially fulfilled Genesis 1:28, and they do not feel that God has given them a desire for offspring, I am not in the camp that would say we should view them as disobedient or unspiritual. We should view them as brothers and sisters in Christ who can be involved in the Great Commission in other ways.

In summary, singles and childless couples are not God’s red-headed stepchildren. They are highly valuable saints who have important roles to play in local churches and the larger kingdom. Parents with biological children, parents with adopted children, blended families, childless couples, singles, and single parents all make up the communities of faith we serve. All of us need to value one another and work together in making disciples around the world, but also in our homes and churches.

Questions to ponder (and answer in the comments):

1.  If you are married, how can you bless the singles in your life?

2.  If you are single, how can you bless the marrieds in your life?

3.  What do you think about Genesis 1:28? Have we filled the earth sufficiently? Are married people who choose not to have children being disobedient? Why or why not?